personal reflections on two years of marriage

In nine days, my hubby and I will celebrate our second wedding anniversary.  Our wedding day is still vividly preserved in my memory, as I know it will be for years to come.  I can see the chocolate brown of the tablecloths, the bright blue and white of the fresh hydrangeas popping up over the tables in beautiful arrangements.  I can smell the slight hint of salt that the ocean breeze blew inland, and the feeling I had when I slipped on my white wedding gown and zipped it up the side is still richly imprinted on my mind.  Although two years seems to have passed by quickly, I also feel that the amount of time has allowed me to grow and mature, to experience many new things and make new memories.

I remember the night that I first met Eric in December 2006 at my company's Christmas party.  Despite the fact he is insistent I was wearing a red dress, when in fact I was wearing black pants and a black top, we often reminisce about the first meeting that he remembers clearly too.  There are a few slight discrepancies between our memories of that night.  Aside from the red dress debate, he also contests that he was standing at a bar, ready to offer me a drink when I allegedly walked by quickly with only a brief smile.  I continue to argue that if he wanted to talk so bad, he could have gone after me.  The second meeting, in January 2007 can perhaps be considered the real start of it all.  During a Saints vs. Bears playoff game, he asked me out on a first date and two and a half years later we were married.

Aside from the first six weeks of our marriage which were spent living in NYC, the rest of our time has been spent in Columbia, South Carolina.  A place neither of us had spent any time previously.  The move was difficult for me; I always thought I was adventurous, up to live anywhere and ready for big changes.  In reality, it was hard to move from my friends and to still live so far away from my family.  I find myself now very thankful for the challenge.  It gave our new marriage the opportunity to be removed from everything safe and familiar.  We have taken the opportunity to discover the many great things about the place we live, which has even led us to discoveries about each other and our interests.  It has also challenged us to go out and make new friends, to be independent and outgoing. 

The move was not the only huge change we took on post-wedding; relocating coincided with our purchasing a franchise.  We would own our own business.  I think we were both slightly apprehensive of how it would be working together.  It all happened so fast that we really didn't have too much time to worry about it.  I could say luckily I love working together, but I don't really believe it has anything to do with luck.  I think it has been an exercise in understanding each other better, maintaining respect for one another and putting forth good old fashioned effort.  I've witnessed a very commanding, determined, pragmatic and discerning side to the person I married that I'm very proud of.  Working together has exposed our strengths (which oftentimes are different) and our weaknesses.  It has led to a different understanding of one another and a deeper appreciation.  Admittedly it isn't always rosy; sometimes we disagree on how to solve a problem, how to approach a situation, it's all part of working together.

Personally, I believe that love has many different levels, different meanings and different applications.  I love my friends for their companionship, loyalty and fun-loving nature.  I love my family for supporting and loving me back unconditionally.  I have even learned over the years (an ongoing process) to love myself, to appreciate my own abilities and to love other people in return.  In my marriage, I love my partner in each of those different ways.  

Undoubtedly, the next few years will feel like they flew by.  In my twenty-seventh year, I feel self-aware while still a bit unsure of what the future will hold; but as I continue to grow as a person, I know we will continue to grow together in our relationship.  

As we count the passing years and celebrate anniversaries to come, I'll keep close the memory of the first Christmas party, and of saying "yes" to being asked out on a first date.  I'll still recall the intense fluttering in my stomach and rush to my head as I looked at the man before me down on one knee with a ring in his outstretched hand.  An imprint of the sounds, smells and people that were there on our wedding day will remain on my mind and now I also have these first two years of change, challenge, triumph and growing to look back on and cherish.   

Chains do not hold a marriage together.  It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.  ~Simone Signoret  

a different kind of dating

When I met my husband four and half years ago, I was confident that I would never go on a date again.  I was wrong.  What I didn't consider then was that I would most likely have to date for the rest of my life.  I'm not talking about romantic dating; instead, I'm referring to dating to make friends.

I moved to South Carolina a year and nine months ago without knowing anyone.  It was the first time in my life that I moved somewhere and didn't already have friends to call up to go shopping with, get dinner with or to just come over to hang out.  I went to college with friends I knew from high school and I moved cross country and lived with friends I knew from college.  Each new place I had moved, there was already a network of people that knew me and who I had a previous relationship with.  This move was different.

It became apparent to me very quickly that is is tough to make friends.  Sure I can sit down next to someone and introduce myself, "Hi! I'm Rachel!" Which I have proclaimed often paired with a big toothy grin.  There might be an ensuing conversation about where we are from, what we do for work and what side of town we live on.  The small talk gets really good when dogs come up - I've learned they are like children, people can talk about them for hours (including me).  After the commonalities and chitter chatter die down... then what?! I've run into this several times.  Do I get her number? 


Okay so the first meeting went great, we exchanged phone numbers and leave asking myself: did I just make a new friend? Just like romantic dating, the phone number is a tricky game.  Caution should be taken not to appear over-eager or quite frankly, desperate.  It's also important not to abuse a phone number, there's such a thing as too much contact.  Nowadays, there is less pressure with the prominent use of text messaging.  This way, there doesn't need to be awkward conversations or long silent pauses.  A simple text will suffice to set up a "second date".

The second meeting is in my opinion, more challenging.  Having covered all the basics and background information, this is where the friendship either starts or fizzles to an end.  Yep, as early as the second date.  I've been caught several times sitting across from my "date" in an awkward silence, both of us scrounging for a question to ask or something to say.  Even worse is when the awkward stare happens, you know when you both blankly look at each other as if silently saying "I got nothin to say..."

In several instances my husband and I have even dated together - yep, couples dating.  One time after meeting another couple I was sure we would have commonalities with and similar interests, I instead went home disappointed.  "I don't think we'll hang out with them again," I lamented to hubby.  "Did you notice they didn't ask us anything!"  In another couples first date we left the restaurant where we met for drinks elated and quite giddy.  "They were great! So much fun! I hope they want to get together again!"  Yes, it's true, couples dating is real and just as tricky as one-on-one friend dating.

In all seriousness, I've met some great people in my time living in this new town.  It has taken effort, time and an open attitude.  Sure, they don't know my quirks and eccentricities off the bat, but they will with time.  In no way can I replace all the wonderful and dear friends that I have in my life from my past, but I have high hopes that wherever life takes me, I'm sure I'll make some life-long friends and look back and laugh about our "first date".

"The only way to have a friend is to be one."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Snow and Resolutions

I woke up yesterday morning to a world covered in white.  This is not at all normal for where I live so it evoked a sense of excitement and a little bit of apprehension at what this would mean for my Monday.  I turned on the TV to channel after channel of local newspeople and weathermen and women standing out on the side of the road and on overpasses, trying to stay warm while they reported that it was in fact, snowing.  After living in New York for a few years it seemed at first odd for a place to be up in arms that the ground was covered with cold, wet snow.  But as I listened I realized that shutting down the town due to the inclement weather was indeed a good course of action.  As the morning hours passed by with more and more flakes of white falling from the sky, the newspeople reported the increasing number of accidents - 230 by 9AM.  People were urged to stay at home which was the obvious choice especially seeing that all schools, restaurants and businesses had closed their doors for the day.

I watched from inside my apartment as the snow accumulated on the cars and streets below.  There's something a little bit magical about snow - it blankets the ground and inevitably makes moving about town to do daily activities more challenging.  But it also brings a calm quiet with it's presence, a type of serenity characteristic of winter months and the feeling of solitude and peacefulness.  So yesterday I took the opportunity of no work and a snow day to relax and enjoy the quiet solitude.

Yesterday's winter weather paired with the imminent BCS championship football game reminded me that we're in a new year and football is almost over.  I know we're only 11 days in, but it seems that every year after the buzz of the holidays and new years fades into the past - I'm guilty of returning to the daily routines in life and I sometimes forget about all those new years resolutions, ideas and promises that the new year was supposed to bring.  I've had a tough time thinking of resolutions this year.  I'm not sure if that makes me a bad person, someone less committed, or maybe I've just reached an honesty with myself.  To be frank, when thinking about resolutions this year I felt tired of telling myself I'd get in better shape, I would eat better or I would try to save my money better.  Those are all things I want to be better at, but I thought that maybe this year I could "think outside the box" for a change. Maybe I'm getting a bit too altruistic - maybe I'm on to something... I have no clue.  Here's my vain attempt to list my top resolutions for the year.  And with that, bring on 2011!

Be Thankful for the People in My Life Every Day
      I know... this sounds kind of cheesy but I'm serious.  I'm lucky to have a close family, one where we all care about each other and what's going on in each others lives.  And I'm lucky to have very loyal and considerate friends.  I'm thankful to have such wonderful people in my life.

Write more, think less

     So I don't mean this to be taken literally - don't worry, I wont stop thinking all together.  But I love to write and a lot of times, I don't know what to write about.  Writers block feels just how it sounds, like some wall was physically put up in my head, preventing any creative juices from working to write. I want to resolve to think less about what to write and maybe it will help me write more... let's see how that goes.

Learn to sail

     This is me and my hubby's resolution together - I guess it's more like a year's goal than a resolution.  When trying to think of something new that we both wanted to learn, this is the idea that came up and we were both excited about it.  So we'll embark on that adventure, when it's warmer of course - I'm sure the learning experience will warrant some good writing.

Train for and complete a half marathon

   So I know this sort of fits into the no-no land of resolutions that I was haphazardly trying to avoid.  It must be included in my resolutions because I'm signed up to run one of these races thanks to one of my best friends.  I'm grateful for her drive and motivation and "lets do it!" attitude because as I told her the other day: "if I wasn't already signed up for this, I'm not so sure I'd have the gusto to train and do this"  But I"m locked in, paid in full and there are no refunds, so very soon I will start the training... 13.1 miles, I WILL conquer it!

Be an even better business partner

   A lot of people ask me how it is to work with my husband.  I can say with complete an utter honesty that it's wonderful.  I think we are fortunate that we rely on each others strengths which are different and great in their own ways. This allows us to work seamlessly and with minimal head-butting.  That said, I want to be an even better business owner and partner.  Greater ideas, more sales, less grumbling when doing the less glamorous tasks.  

The Facebook Revolution

Social media.  It seems that every time you turn on the television or open up a magazine, people are talking about social media and how it's "taking over the world".  And at the forefront of the revolution: Facebook. 

I confess, it has very much become a big part of my day.  I find that some days I am eager to see what new posts people have written on Facebook.  What are all my "friends" doing? All 587 of them. Even as I write this I feel a bit bemused that I am so interested in the everyday happenings of everyone elses life.

587 - to some, this would only comprise a small fraction of their "friend pie".  Maybe your friend tally is in the thousands.  Me? I can't beleive I know 587 people... Okay, I'll admit, every so often a request comes across and I can't remember how I know the person - maybe I don't...  What's fascinating to me is that of those 587 some are my best friends, some are my family and a very large portion are the acquaintances I have met along life's journey.  High school friends, college friends, some I studied abroad with, some I met while living in New York, and even some I have met at functions here in South Carolina. 

I remember when Facebook was first picking up steam.  I was a Junior in College at UC Santa Barbara.  Back then, it was the battle of Myspace and Facebook.  Facebook was limited on the information you were allowed to share.  There certainly wasn't a Newsfeed like there is now (modeled after Twitter), where people can literally write what they are doing or thinking at any second and share it.  I'm not even sure you could post or share pictures.  But the intention of the social network has always remained the same - to change the way we communicate and share information.

From the day I signed up for Facebook it opened a whole new venue of connectivity.  I could send a message to my friend at college across country even if I didn't have her email or phone number.  As long as other people shared, you could keep up on the break-ups and make-ups, who was taking the same course as you and who was working on the same paper you were.  The flow of information was dramatically changing.  Back when it started, Facebook was only limited to college students.  You had to have a University or College email address to register which kept it as a college network of 18-21 year olds sharing the good times we were all having in school.

Fast forward to 2010... my Mother is on facebook, my grandparents are on Facebook.  Now I am able to see friends that not only graduated college but who are getting engaged, married, even having children.  The amount of information seems to be ever increasing and sometimes overwhelming.  I made a Facebook page for our business and from time to time receive requests to connect with other businesses in the area.  I admit, sometimes I am confused by this... what once started as a purely social portal all limited to one age group has now ballooned to an all-inclusive network. Caution is now warranted, I have to think before writing messages and posts and sharing pictures of friends and family.  Do I want to share this with the world? If not, maybe Facebook isn't the best place to share my information...

I often wonder how social networking will change and adapt even further.  It is ever increasingly becoming a part of business, of marketing and it seems to be a place where people go first for the latest information whether personal or professional.  I'm sure there will always be more avenues provided to share information, whether Facebook or another portal, there will be places to catapult personal information across cyberspace.  Although I'm not the most internet savvy person there is, I'll try to keep up with these adaptations.  But for now, I'll just continue to feel perplexed as to how I know 587 people...

Sister Sister

Sisters. I think this word stretches far beyond the definition of blood relative.  Out of curiosity for what the "academic" definition of sister is, I went to dictionary.com and this is what I found:
Sister
- noun

1. a female offspring having both parents in common with another offspring
2. Also called half sister, a female offspring having only one parent in common wit another offspring
3. Stepsister
4. a female friend or protector regarded as a sister
5. a thing regarded as feminine and associated as if by kinship with something else
6. a female fellow member, as of a church
7. a female member of a religious community that observes the simple vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience
8. British, a nurse in charge of a hospital ward; head nurse
9. a fellow black woman
10. a woman who supports, promotes, or participates in feminism
11. Informal, a form of address used to a woman or girl; esp. joculary or contemptuously
- adjective
12. Being or considered a sister; related by or as if by sisterhood
13. having a close relationship with another becuase of shared itnerests, problems, or the like
14. Biochemistry. being one of an identical pair.
Who knew the dictionary definition was so robust? 

I am the oldest of three girls.  Yes, that caused for a lot of emotion, some name calling and lots of barbies but also made for some fantastic memories and learning together as we've grown up.  I am three years apart from my sister Jackie and seven years apart from Sarah so as you can imagine, during some of the more "awkward" stages of growing up it seemed we lived worlds apart.  We are still in very different phases (not to mention we live in three different states) - I got married this past summer, Jackie graduated and is establishing herself in a city and at a new job and Sarah graduated highschool, and has since started college.  Through ups and downs and all the events of our life, we are and will always remain sisters.

I also now have a sister-in-law, which I couldn't be more excited about.  I'm lucky that we have established a great relationship, and I consider her a very close friend.  I've always been the oldest in my family, so I have to admit its very fun to have an older sister to look up to and ask advice of.

I started thinking about sisters the other day because another word has popped up quite a bit lately: Sorority.  Now that's a whole new sense of the word "sister".

I was a member of a sorority during college - it was exciting and fun and I met quite exceptional women as a part of the group.  I remember joining this sorority, and it seems like it just happened yesterday.  After a week of parading around to visit the different houses where essentially each girl is interviewing one another - "do I want this person to be my sister?".  There is bouncing up and down, clapping, singing, collages, bulletin boards, dresses, perfectly combed hair and after a week of exhausting meeting and greeting - at last the moment you actual become a part of a sorority.

I poke fun at the whole process now, but admittedly I chaired the circus when I was a senior in the sorority house.  I took the job over after my friend in the house needed some help since she was preparing for the LSATS.  We planned the recruitment event together and all was well until a few days before rush was to start.  I remember it vividly, a room full of girls practicing and getting our house ready to show off to the wide-eyed and expecting rush candidates.  I felt some sharp pains in my stomach, after trying to ignore it, even going to the gym to try to "work it out" - my friends urged that it was time to see a doctor.  I'll admit I'm pretty stubborn but when my sorority sisters stepped in, looked me in the eye and said, don't worry, we got this - I finally gave in.  To make a long story short - I ended up at the hospital, it was appendicitis.  Yeah, I thought your appendix was that useless organ in your body too.  Well, when it wants out - it want out! Another of my friends rushed to be by my side - even holding my hand and helping me waddle down the hall after the medication kicked in (and boy does it kick in)... Experiencing an ordeal like that really draws attention to the great friends and sisters in life.

Sarah just went through the recruitment ritual at her university and I received an excited call from her with the news she had just joined a sorority.  Ironically, Sarah joined the same sorority that Jackie was part of at her university.  I suppose now they will reach a whole new level of sister.  I'm really happy for her joining a group of girls that she'll become close with and share friendships with over the years.  I had 14 sorority sisters attend my wedding - they flew and drove from all over to be there for me.  What an awesome thing to have so many sisters.

I suppose as you go through life, you gain close relationships with people, and when you are lucky, those relationships extend just that bit beyond friendship - the kind of relationship where you would bend over backwards, share stories and laughs, good times, embarrassing ones and everything in between.  That to me is the definition of sister.