When I Grow Up

I was not one of those kids that knew what I wanted to be when I grew up.  In fact, I was pretty jealous of my friends that wanted to be "a doctor, a physical therapist, a lawyer".  It always baffled me that I just didn't know.  The fear of not knowing what you want to do with your life is only exacerbated over time.  I remember in grade school you can say whatever you want to be and it's fine if it changes the next day.  You could want to be a mermaid one day and a firefighter the next and both are socially accepted.  In high school the tension rises a bit as you find yourself separated from fellow classmates in a "less accelerated" math course.  Or maybe you find yourself thriving in Chemistry while your best friend can easily explain the physics of how their cardboard boat won the paddle race across the school swimming pool.

On to college and the dreaded "major" choice.  I remember feeling the weight of the world that I didn't know what I wanted to do.  If I didn't know, how could I pick a major?! Oh, the agony.  I watched as some of my friends diligently worked their way through Business Economics classes, on their way to be recruited by the "Big Four" accounting firms before they even had diploma in hand.  Other of my friends laboriously studied through O-Chem and Biology, trudging through the extra lab practicum classes they were forced to take as part of being a science major.

I had a bit of a different course taken.  I entered college with the profound "Undecided" major slapped to my admittance.  I toyed with the idea of becoming a lawyer (the idea provoked by my willingness and veracity to argue a point against my parents until I won).  So I dutifully completed a summer internship at a family law office.  Three weeks in I decided divorce cases and custody battles were not my cup of tea.  I would need to take a different path.  Perhaps I could be on TV and become one of those reporters.  Better yet, a news anchor.  My dream job morphed into the desire to take Katie Couric's place on the Today Show.  So I applied and was accepted to an internship at the local ABC affiliate in Santa Babara.  My duties were to write teases prompting the upcoming news stories.  I was tasked with searching through archives of footage to find everything from pictures of the President when the story called for such images, to scouring through archived footage of a baby elephant when they were doing a story on the local zoo.  After shadowing some of the reporters out on the field, I decided I didn't quite like thrusting a microphone in people's faces and waiting for a juicy candid sound bite.  It seemed all too invasive to me.

I thought I would never figure out a major so opted for a broad approach.  I would be a Communication Major.  To make a long and frustrating saga short, I didn't get into the major.  What does that mean? Well, it means my grades weren't good enough.  Perhaps it was fate guiding me along the way, or maybe it was that midterm I fell asleep in.  Literally, I dozed off while filling in Bubble A on the scantron.  So it was back to square one in my Sophomore year of college.

Maybe I should pick something really broad.  So I would become an English major.  Turns out this was a good choice for me.  It led to my finding a Writing Minor that I felt fit perfectly with my major choice.  So four years later and a journey through majors, I graduated with a degree in English and minor in Professional Writing.  Here I am, four and a half years from the day I stood proud in cap and gown, and I've learned that for me, not exactly knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up has proved to be a fantastic and exciting journey.

Through constant self-discovery and questioning, I've realized that perhaps what I am and what I have become is and will continue to be a constant learning process.  The undertaking of owning a business with my significant other has been a whirlwind of excitement and challenges that have been both challenging and rewarding to work on.  

In a new turn of events I have recently decided to apply to grad school.  It is an MFA Masters Program in Creative Writing.  The program is local at the University near where I live, and seems like a great opportunity to hone and further develop my writing skills.  With this undertaking has come a whole set of emotions I didn't quite expect.  It's nerve racking and a bit scary to apply for something and have the uncertainty about whether or not I will be accepted.  Yes, I'm scared of rejection.  The fear of failing is a very real and present one.  As part of the application, I must submit a short story.  No problem, I'll just write one.  The project is so much harder than I thought it would be.  So I've been working on twenty-one pages of prose; pouring over each sentence, trying vainly to choose the right words that will harmoniously come together to make a fascinating tale. Something about writing a story makes me feel vulnerable to the world.  Is it interesting enough? Is it believable? The words on the page seem to stare back at me in defiance and it seems like I'll never achieve a final draft.

 Maybe I'm too focused on the fact that I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I'm not sure any one's life story is perfectly conventional.  Maybe I should think about what I have become along the way:  A high school and college graduate, a business owner, a blog writer, a wife, a traveler, and now an applicant.

What do you do with a BA in English?

While living in New York, I had the opportunity to see quite a few Broadway shows.  I love Broadway - the lights, the excitement, the small and intimate theaters.  Times Square and Theater District is one of the most overwhelming and fantastical places you could visit for entertainment. Among the many Broadway shows I saw was the musical Avenue Q - actually, I saw the show not once but three times.  It was that good. 

If you haven't seen the show, I'll set the scene.  The production cleverly intertwines actors with puppets who are the main characters.  The opening scene is one I could relate to far too well - not for the fact that it starred a puppet but because of what the puppet had to say. The main character, a young puppet-man supposedly the age of 21 enters stage left and belts from the top of his lungs "what would you do with a BA in English" to a very catchy tune.

I have to admit, the first of the three times I saw the show I laughed immediately.  How bluntly honest and true - what do you do with a BA in English? Staring up at the stage, the words settled in.  Hmmm, this is what I achieved after four years of college: a BA in English.  The premise of Avenue Q is that this recent graduate has moved to New York City and is trying to figure out his purpose in life.  I suddenly felt there was a striking and eerie similarity the stuffed doll was going through to my experience when I graduated.

I remember when I was in college, my friends and I would worry, even stress about what our major was going to be.  After all, you dedicate about two solid years (after the pre-requisites are fulfilled) to studying just one subject.  After those two years, you walk a field in cap and gown and then are thrust onto the main stage of life and its time to find a job.  Now this is no easy task, and especially not now, but to find work where you can showcase the many skills you learned during school. So what the heck do you do with that BA in English?


During the search for my first job, I remember I had mentors and advice given to me by parents.  Time after time I was assured that your major in school does not define what work you will do.  This is a hard thing for a recent graduate to swallow.  Turns out, this is true. I was extremely lucky to have a friend who helped me get my first job.  What would I do with that BA in English? Learn to be an Investor Relations Account Executive.

I never would have imagined in my wildest dreams that I would in fact be a part of the "world of finance".  I remember the first day of my job like it was yesterday.  I woke up in my "cute" albeit small NYC apartment which I shared with three other roommates.  After a shower and dutifully putting on my uniform of a nice pair of slacks, a blouse and my new high heel shoes, I walked down the four flights of stairs and out the door meeting the illustrious city with every ounce of gusto I could muster.  After a twenty minute trip down town on the subway, I would emerge from the tunnel with the masses of Wall Street employees all ready to start our day and of course, hungry to make some money. I'll be the first to admit, when i started in my job I didn't know what market cap meant.  Clearly, there was a very sharp learning curve...


After three years as at the IR firm I now find myself in a very different city once again re-evaluating what I can do with a BA in English.  I often think about my friends and prior colleagues.  I have friends that were business majors, economics majors, sociology majors, psychology majors, fellow English majors and pretty much any other major you can think of.  We all embarked into the work force armed with the tools we gathered in college unaware that we were all about to enter another phase of even greater learning.  I suppose it isn't always the case that the career path you choose mirrors that one subject you diligently studied and buried yourself in books with for two years. 

I find myself again floating in uncharted waters.  Seven weeks in to owning our own business, each day holds something else to learn, figure out and get through.  I'm exploring and finding new perspective on what it is and what it means to work towards a career.  Seems to me it is a journey that continues throughout life - one that twists and turns and I'm not sure you ever reach a final destination but rather keep learning, evolving and looking for that next "career".  I'm sure along the way during this new phase I have embarked on, I'll find a few other things I can do with my BA in English.