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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Non-Parent's Opinion on Parenting

I'm not a parent yet.  Not even close.  I don't even have a dog.  But I don't think you have to be a parent  to have a reaction to the recent articles in the Wall Street Journal that commented on parenting styles.  The first was written by a Chinese mother who very boldly, profoundly and confidently stated the reasons why Chinese mother's most often produce highly successful children. And she bluntly meant more successful children than Western mothers.  She started out the article with a list of things that her children were never allowed to do: "attend a sleep-over, have a play-date, be in a school play, choose their own extracurricular activities."

Me as Alice
I had an instant reaction to the writer's words.  I was allowed to do every single one of those activities.  In fact, I was proud I had assumed the role of Alice in the fourth grade for my elementary school's production of The Trial of Alice in Wonderland.
I attended many sleep-overs where we stayed up too late, watched far too many movies in one sitting and ate more candy than was ever allowed in my household growing up.  So in reading the WSJ article I can say that my blood seemed to boil a little and I felt enrage at the suggestion that because of those things, this mother would have assumed I would turn out less than perfect.  Okay, I'll admit I'm not perfect, but I doubt attending sleep-overs and participating in school plays lowered my grade point average in the fourth, fifth, sixth grade or made me a less successful kid.

During my
ballet days (hard work!)
I can flat out say that I couldn't really agree with anything the author stated in her article, in fact, most of it just made me cringe.  But there was one line that especially stood out to me as being true and rather thought-provoking: "What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it."  The lady has a point.  I think as humans we are all inclined to like an activity, a subject in school, a musical instrument if we are good at them.  However, becoming good at something takes hard work, determination, dedication and I believe that initially to have the desire to work that hard at something, you have to like it, at least a little bit, far before you are any good at it.


You have to read the article to gain the full depth of this discussion.  If interested, I've made it easy, just click on the link below:
Why Chinese Mother's are Superior  


Clearly, I was not the only Western American that was riled up by the Chinese mother's article.  The rebuttal came only a few days after the first article, again in the pages of the Wall Street Journal.  This time, it was by a Jewish mother and outlined her antithesis to parenting which included letting her children decide what activities they wanted to partake in and when they wanted to quit said activities, the copious amounts of TV and computer games they were allowed to partake in and the fact that even though her kids were allowed to do these things, they too received good grades in school.  I had a problem with this article too.  The mother seemed to be almost too far on the other end; not pushing her children to excel when the opportunity was there and allowing them to quit when it seemed things got a bit hard.  I finished this second article with the feeling that both extreme points had been made but that I agreed with neither of them.  I suppose that's what these types of commentaries are meant to do...


Rebuttal article:
In Defense of the Guilty, Ambivalent, Preoccupied Western Mom


I hardly ever read the Wall Street Journal so I appreciate both these articles for making me pick up the paper and become interested in what each author had to say.  Since reading both pieces, I've thought about each message and the points that were made in the black and white letters typed out on the newspaper pages. Here I am, not even a parent, and I became a bit enthralled with the ongoing discussion of what was the "correct" or more "successful" way to parent is.  What I realized is that this discussion reaches beyond the boundaries of parenting.  I know I'll face all these decisions one day when I am a parent and frankly, I haven't really thought about how much TV my kids should watch or how many sleep-overs I will or won't let them attend.  But right now, as an adult, I need to just focus on the kind of person I want to be.  What new boundaries and new challenges will I set for myself.  I for one, think my western parents did a very successful job raising me so now it's time for this western grown up to live successfully.


"The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences."
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Snow and Resolutions

I woke up yesterday morning to a world covered in white.  This is not at all normal for where I live so it evoked a sense of excitement and a little bit of apprehension at what this would mean for my Monday.  I turned on the TV to channel after channel of local newspeople and weathermen and women standing out on the side of the road and on overpasses, trying to stay warm while they reported that it was in fact, snowing.  After living in New York for a few years it seemed at first odd for a place to be up in arms that the ground was covered with cold, wet snow.  But as I listened I realized that shutting down the town due to the inclement weather was indeed a good course of action.  As the morning hours passed by with more and more flakes of white falling from the sky, the newspeople reported the increasing number of accidents - 230 by 9AM.  People were urged to stay at home which was the obvious choice especially seeing that all schools, restaurants and businesses had closed their doors for the day.


I watched from inside my apartment as the snow accumulated on the cars and streets below.  There's something a little bit magical about snow - it blankets the ground and inevitably makes moving about town to do daily activities more challenging.  But it also brings a calm quiet with it's presence, a type of serenity characteristic of winter months and the feeling of solitude and peacefulness.  So yesterday I took the opportunity of no work and a snow day to relax and enjoy the quiet solitude.



Yesterday's winter weather paired with the imminent BCS championship football game reminded me that we're in a new year and football is almost over.  I know we're only 11 days in, but it seems that every year after the buzz of the holidays and new years fades into the past - I'm guilty of returning to the daily routines in life and I sometimes forget about all those new years resolutions, ideas and promises that the new year was supposed to bring.  I've had a tough time thinking of resolutions this year.  I'm not sure if that makes me a bad person, someone less committed, or maybe I've just reached an honesty with myself.  To be frank, when thinking about resolutions this year I felt tired of telling myself I'd get in better shape, I would eat better or I would try to save my money better.  Those are all things I want to be better at, but I thought that maybe this year I could "think outside the box" for a change. Maybe I'm getting a bit too altruistic - maybe I'm on to something... I have no clue.  Here's my vain attempt to list my top resolutions for the year.  And with that, bring on 2011!

Be Thankful for the People in My Life Every Day
      I know... this sounds kind of cheesy but I'm serious.  I'm lucky to have a close family, one where we all care about each other and what's going on in each others lives.  And I'm lucky to have very loyal and considerate friends.  I'm thankful to have such wonderful people in my life.

Write more, think less
     So I don't mean this to be taken literally - don't worry, I wont stop thinking all together.  But I love to write and a lot of times, I don't know what to write about.  Writers block feels just how it sounds, like some wall was physically put up in my head, preventing any creative juices from working to write. I want to resolve to think less about what to write and maybe it will help me write more... let's see how that goes.

Learn to sail
     This is me and my hubby's resolution together - I guess it's more like a year's goal than a resolution.  When trying to think of something new that we both wanted to learn, this is the idea that came up and we were both excited about it.  So we'll embark on that adventure, when it's warmer of course - I'm sure the learning experience will warrant some good writing.

Train for and complete a half marathon
   So I know this sort of fits into the no-no land of resolutions that I was haphazardly trying to avoid.  It must be included in my resolutions because I'm signed up to run one of these races thanks to one of my best friends.  I'm grateful for her drive and motivation and "lets do it!" attitude because as I told her the other day: "if I wasn't already signed up for this, I'm not so sure I'd have the gusto to train and do this"  But I"m locked in, paid in full and there are no refunds, so very soon I will start the training... 13.1 miles, I WILL conquer it!

Be an even better business partner
   A lot of people ask me how it is to work with my husband.  I can say with complete an utter honesty that it's wonderful.  I think we are fortunate that we rely on each others strengths which are different and great in their own ways. This allows us to work seamlessly and with minimal head-butting.  That said, I want to be an even better business owner and partner.  Greater ideas, more sales, less grumbling when doing the less glamorous tasks.